Quote #28379
If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier...
Category Archives: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Quote #28380
I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the...
Quote #28381
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror,...
Quote #28366
Isn’t it funny how one minute life can be such a struggle, and the...
Quote #28367
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let’s say you’re an astronaut...
Quote #28368
Sometimes I wonder if I’m patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but...
Quote #28369
If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be...
Quote #28370
It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared...
Quote #28371
If you make ships in a bottle, I bet the thing that really makes...
Quote #28372
I remember we were all horrified to see Grandpa up on the roof with...