Quote #12119
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Category Archives: Steven Wright
Quote #11935
Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Quote #9537
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Quote #7851
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line....
Quote #7240
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
Quote #5349
They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every...
Quote #5232
I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep...
Quote #5309
When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers...
Quote #4835
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
Quote #2554
I have an existential map. It has “You are here” written all over it.