Quote #13871
I don’t think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think...
Category Archives: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Quote #13887
I can’t stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something...
Quote #13903
Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn’t designed to catch mice at all,...
Quote #13919
When I heard that trees grow a new ‘ring’ for each year they live,...
Quote #13872
If aliens from outer space ever come and we show them our civilization and...
Quote #13888
I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to...
Quote #13904
Whenever I open a door, I pull on the doorknob real hard, because isn’t...
Quote #13920
Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a...
Quote #13873
The tiger can’t change his spots. No, wait, he did Good for him 00...
Quote #13889
If you ever discover that what you’re seeing is a play within a play,...