Quote #13917
You know how to paint a room real fast Just put paint rollers on...
Category Archives: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Quote #13933
Blow ye winds, like the trumpet blows but without that noise. 00
Quote #13870
It’s funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never...
Quote #13886
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em...
Quote #13902
If you’re at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the...
Quote #13918
I guess one of the funniest memories of my grandfather was the time I...
Quote #13934
When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in my...
Quote #13775
I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in...
Quote #13791
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached...
Quote #13807
How come, just as the rocket is launching, the astronauts don’t also shoot some...