Quote #13919
When I heard that trees grow a new ‘ring’ for each year they live,...
Category Archives: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Quote #13872
If aliens from outer space ever come and we show them our civilization and...
Quote #13888
I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to...
Quote #13904
Whenever I open a door, I pull on the doorknob real hard, because isn’t...
Quote #13920
Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a...
Quote #13873
The tiger can’t change his spots. No, wait, he did Good for him 00...
Quote #13889
If you ever discover that what you’re seeing is a play within a play,...
Quote #13905
If I could be a bird, I think I’d be a penguin, because then...
Quote #13921
You know what makes good hair for a snow man REAL hair. Don’t ask...
Quote #13874
I’d like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes...