Quote #13905
If I could be a bird, I think I’d be a penguin, because then...
Category Archives: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Quote #13921
You know what makes good hair for a snow man REAL hair. Don’t ask...
Quote #13874
I’d like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes...
Quote #13890
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his...
Quote #13906
Don’t ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because...
Quote #13922
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king,...
Quote #13875
If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier...
Quote #13891
I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold...
Quote #13907
Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, ‘Aw,...
Quote #13923
Most people don’t realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown...