Quote #13798
As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red...
Category Archives: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Quote #13814
If you get invited to your first orgy, don’t just show up nude. That’s...
Quote #13830
I’m just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your radarscope is...
Quote #13846
If you’re ever stuck in some thick undergrowth in your underwear, don’t stop and...
Quote #13862
Isn’t it funny how one minute life can be such a struggle, and the...
Quote #13783
I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells...
Quote #13799
Whenever anyone says ‘I can’t,’ it makes me wish he’d get stung to death...
Quote #13815
Sometimes I think I’d be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you. +2-4...
Quote #13831
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down We...
Quote #13847
Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a...