Quote #13834
When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was...
Category Archives: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Quote #13850
Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that’s the...
Quote #13866
It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared...
Quote #13787
I wish there was a disease where you’re afraid of clouds, because I think...
Quote #13803
People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly....
Quote #13819
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and...
Quote #13835
I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people,...
Quote #13851
Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit,...
Quote #13867
If you make ships in a bottle, I bet the thing that really makes...
Quote #13788
If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that...