Quote #13789
If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a...
Category Archives: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Quote #13805
I wish outer-space guys would conquer Earth and make people their pets, because I’d...
Quote #13821
During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on...
Quote #13837
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because...
Quote #13853
I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I’d save up...
Quote #13790
Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it’s two lives connected by...
Quote #13806
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed...
Quote #13822
If I was being executed by injection, I’d clean up my cell real neat....
Quote #13838
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or...
Quote #13854
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can’t scoff...