Funny Jokes » Blonde Jokes

Let’s take a trip to Disney

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:25 +0000

|Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying “Disney World Left!”After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said “Oh well!” and started driving back home.

Why are you yelling that?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:25 +0000

|A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “green side up!”In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “green side up!”The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “green side up!”The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”"I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

How many sheep do I have?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:25 +0000

|There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.”If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?” she asked.The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.”You have 171 sheep,” said the blonde in triumph.Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, “if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?”The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. “You’re a blonde! Now give me back my dog.”

Do you know where you were going?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:25 +0000

|A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she’d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.Cop: Do you know where you were going?Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

I can’t breathe without that

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:25 +0000

|A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.”I need to take that walkman off your head,” says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.”You can’t! I’ll die!” retorts the blonde.”I can’t cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!” says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.”I said you can’t take it off, or I’ll die!”The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating “breath in, breath out, breath in”.

Clean those restrooms

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:25 +0000

|On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES.”By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

Shortage of parachutes

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:25 +0000

|A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.The pope told the brunette to take the last one.The brunette said, “There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!”

What’s in the bag?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:25 +0000

|A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says “meow” in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says “woof” in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts “potato” to the officer.

Turn back your car odometer

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:25 +0000

|A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.The brunette suggested, “There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it’s not going to be legal.”"That doesn’t matter at all,” replied the blonde. “All that matters it that I am able to sell this car.”"Alright,” replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn’t be a problem to sell your car.”The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette’s advice.About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, “Did you sell your car?”"No!” replied the blonde. “Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it.”

Three blonds on death row

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:25 +0000

|Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead, and one’s a blonde.Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .”Suddenly the brunette yells, “earthquake!!” Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .”The redhead then screams, “tornado!!” Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . .”The blonde shouts, “fire!!”