Funny Jokes » Gender Jokes

Why make woman beautiful?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:29:41 +0000

|Man says to God: “Why did you make woman so beautiful?”God says: “So you would love her.” Man says to God: “But God, Why did you make her so dumb?”God says:”So she would love you.” Source MissJoke.com

Women’s instructions

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|WOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So many men – so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. If they can put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all there. Tell him you’re not his type – you have a pulse. Never let your man’s mind wander – its too little to be left out alone. Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway. Never marry a man for money. You’ll have to earn every penny. Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him check books. A man’s idea of serious commitment is usually, “Oh all right, I’ll stay the night”. Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn’t even have bothered to have lunch with. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his. If he asks you if you if you’re faking it tell him no, you’re just practicing. When he asks you if he’s your first tell him, “You may be, you look familiar.”

Tell about a haircut

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|The story of someone getting a haircut.Women’s version:Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute! Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking? Woman2: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman2: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line. Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. Men’s version:Man2: Haircut? Man1: Yeah.

seven course meal

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|What does a man consider a seven course meal?A hot dog and a six pack of beer!

Education for women

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|Continuing Education Courses for Women Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits. Parties: Going Without New Outfits. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His. Valuation: Just Because It’s Not Important to You . . . Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire. Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up. Introduction to Parking. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space. Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving the Towels on the Floor. Water retention: Fact or Fat. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together. Ballet: For Women Only. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both. Appreciating the Humor of the Three Stooges. “Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?” – Why Men Lie. TV Remotes: For Men Only.

Men writing the rules

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|If Men Were to Rewrite “The Rules”Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days. Rule # 2 If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way. Rule # 3 It is in neither your best interest nor ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together. Rule # 4 You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done — not both. Rule # 5 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs. Rule # 6 Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we. Rule # 7 When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the ramp, you saying “This is our exit” is not necessary.

exercise at the beach

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|How do men exercise at the beach?By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Great to be a woman

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|Reason’s why it’s great to be a woman Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies. Speeding ticket? What’s that? New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud. If you’re not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling. You can sleep your way to the top. You can sue the President for sexual harassment. It’s possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo. Brad Pitt. No one passes out when you take off your shoes. Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store. If you forget to shave, no one has to know. If you’re dumb, some people will find it cute. You have the ability to dress yourself. If you marry someone twenty years younger, you’re aware that you look like an idiot.You’ll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist. You can quickly end any fight by crying. Your friends won’t think you’re weird if you ask whether there’s spinach in your teeth. There are times when chocolate really Can solve all your problems. You’ve never had a goatee. You’ll never regret piercing your ears. You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark. You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can.

The bum on a street

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, “Will you buy booze?” The bum said, “No.” The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?” The bum said, “No.” Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?”

man to do situps

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|What’s the best way to force a man to do situps?Put the remote between his toes.