Funny Jokes » Farming Jokes

Winning Nobel prize

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:28 +0000

|A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?”The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”"How?” asks the man, puzzled.”Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field.”

Horse pulls the car

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:28 +0000

|An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull.” Buddy didn’t move.Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull.” Buddy didn’t respond.Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Jennie, pull.” Nothing.Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull.” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”

Gathering chickens

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:28 +0000

|The farmer’s son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken’s his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.”Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.”"Well, you did real good, son,” the farmer beamed. “You left with seven.”

How are you feeling?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:28 +0000

|Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” asked the lawyer.Farmer Brown responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…”"I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’!”Farmer Brown said, “Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Brown’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie.”Brown thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.”He continued, “I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.”"Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.”Finally, farmer Brown came to the end of the story. “The patrolman looked at me and said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are YOU feeling’?”

Lacking all religion

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:28 +0000

|A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer’s soul the preacher asked the man, “Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?”Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, “Naw, these are soybeans.”"You don’t understand,” said the preacher. “Are you a Christian?”With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, “Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here.”The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, “Are you lost?”"Naw! I’ve lived here all my life,” answered the farmer.”Are you prepared for the resurrection?” the frustrated preacher asked.This caught the farmer’s attention and he asked, “When’s it gonna be?”Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, “It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day.” Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, “Well, don’t mention it to my wife. She don’t get out much and she’ll wanna go all three days.”

Giving away a horse

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:28 +0000

|A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. “Who’s the boss around here?” he asked. “I am.” said the man. “I have a black horse and a brown horse,” the farmer said, “which one would you like?” The man thought for a minute and said, “The black one.” “No, no, no, get the brown one.” the man’s wife said. “Here’s your chicken.” said the farmer.

Helping your father

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:28 +0000

|A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.”You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.”"No thanks,” said the young man.”My father wouldn’t like it.”"Don’t be silly,” the minister said.”Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.”Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, “Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”"Well,” replied the young farmer, “he’s under the load of hay.”

Bug flew into a barn

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:28 +0000

|A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow’s ear. The farmer didn’t think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.

Dem’ smart city folk

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:28 +0000

|A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says.”Where can I buy one?” he is asked.Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says.”I’ll take him,” says the other man as he counts out the money.I can’t bring him over today. I don’t work on Sunday morrow OK?”Sure.”The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, “sorry, bad news.”I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead.The city feller says just give me my money back then.”Can’t, spent it already!”"Well… unload the mule then.”"What ya gonna do with him?”"Raffle him off!”"Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!”"Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks.”One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other at the barber shop.”What did ya do with that dead mule?”"Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 98 dollars profit.”"Didn’t anyone complain?” “Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!”

Visiting a rural farm

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:28 +0000

|Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long. “Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses.” explained the driver. “What did you tell the farmer?” Limbaugh asked. The chauffeur replied, “I told him I was Rush Limbaugh’s driver and I’d just killed the pig.”