Funny Jokes » Business Jokes

Travel in a sailboat

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:27 +0000

|The banker fell overboard from a friend’s sailboat.The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?”"Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”

Accountant and farmer

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:27 +0000

|A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.”The shepherd thinks it over. It’s a big flock, so he takes the bet.The man looks around and answers, “869.” The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.The shepherd says, “Okay, I’m a man of my word, take an animal.” The man picks one up and begins to walk away.”Wait,” cries the shepherd, “let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.” The man agrees.”You are an accountant for the government,” says the shepherd.”Amazing!” responds the man. “You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?”"Well,” says the shepherd, “put down my dog and I will tell you.”

Bad computer viruses

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:27 +0000

|Economic computer virusesINTEREST GROUP ECONOMIST VIRUS – Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. ECONOMETRICIAN VIRUS – Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of POLITICAL THINK TANK ECONOMIST VIRUS – Doesn’t do anything, but you can’t get rid of it until next election. GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS – nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine. MARXIAN ECONOMIST VIRUS – Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to. SOVIET ECONOMIST VIRUS – Crashes your computer, but denies it ever happened. MAINSTREAM ECONOMIST VIRUS – It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases then in “self-defense.” CENTRAL BANK ECONOMIST VIRUS – Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file. MULTINATIONAL CORPORATION ECONOMIST VIRUS – Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and sending messages about how the economy is going to get better. SUPPLY SIDE ECONOMIST VIRUS – Puts your computer to sleep for four years. When your computer wakes up, you’re trillion more dollars in debt. NEW ECONOMY VIRUS – Also known as the “Tricky Dick Virus.” You can wipe it out, but it always makes a comeback. ENVIRONMENTAL ECONOMIST VIRUS – Before allowing you to delete any file, it first asks you if you’ve considered the alternatives

Wealthy investors

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:27 +0000

|A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.”The banker said, “Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.”

Counting some sheep

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:27 +0000

|An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and so he decides to go to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” complains the man.”Have you tried counting sheep?” inquired the doctor.The accountant replied, “That’s the problem, Doc. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!”

Economists in parades

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:27 +0000

|There is also a joke about the last Mayday parade in the Soviet Union.After the tanks and the troops and the planes and the missiles rolled by there came ten men dressed in black. “Are they Spies?” Asked Gorby? “They are economists,” replies the KGB director, “imagine the havoc they will wreak when we set them loose on the Americans”

Bank customer service

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:27 +0000

|”I’m not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance … she leaned over and pushed me.”

Finding accountants

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:27 +0000

|A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”

Economics textbooks

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:27 +0000

|Ten things to do with a graduate Economics textbook1. Press pretty flowers. 2. Press pretty insects. 3. Use it as paper weight on your already overcluttered desk. 4. Leave out in obvious places to impress uninformed undergraduates. 5. Mail to the White House as an intimidation tactic. 6. Give it a walk-on part in a boring European existentialist play. 7. Just throw the lousy thing away. 8. Leave out for the rain and other forces of nature to reckon with. 9. Read it, and weep. 10. Get a refund from bookstore so you can buy a weekend’s beer supply.

A walking economy

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:27 +0000

|This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, “I’m a walking economy.”The friend asks, “How so?”"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!”