Funny Jokes » Foreigners

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of theScottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary aboutthe way of life there.REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I’m from the BBC and I’m gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you? SCOTSMAN: Certainly… REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name? SCOTSMAN: Well now there’s a story. Y’know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don’t. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don’t. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don’t. But, I tell you, a moment’s weakness with just ONE sheep ….

A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to “The Unknown Soldier”. At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: “Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg”.The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.The resident replied, “As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something.”

What do you call a Highlander with four sheep?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

What do you call a Highlander with four sheep? A pimp

What do they call condoms in Germany?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

What do they call condoms in Germany?Weinerhosen

How do you play Iraqi bingo?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

How do you play Iraqi bingo?F18…B52…F18Sent by Onky

The Pope vs. the Queen

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Popeout of the corner of her mouth, “I bet you a tenner that I can makeevery English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand.”The Pope says, “No way. You can’t do that.”The Queen says, “Watch this.”So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd goes crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering, basically going ballistic.So the Pope is standing there thinking, “Uh oh, what am I going to do?I never thought she’d be able to do it.”So he thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her and says,”I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild, not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head.”The Queen goes, “No way, it can’t be done.”So the Pope headbutts her.

Guns in a garden

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long KeshPrison and he didn’t know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. “ForHeavens SAKES, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried theGUNS!!!At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug upthe entire garden, but didn’t find any guns. Confused the man wrote tohis son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. Hisson’s reply was: “Just plant your potatoes.”

The wedding is off…no on!

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride’s father storm up the aisle, jacket off,sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry. “The weddin’s off,” he shouted, “Everybody bugger off!” Dismayed and muttering, the guests repaired to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. One guest, a friend of the bride’s father, held back, and approached him. “What’s the problem?” he asked. “Someone stole a keg of beer, and some bastard fucked the bride!”, exclaimed the father. The guest, taken aback, and rendered speechless, left the church, joining the other farmers. A few minutes later, the father reappeared and yelled “All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin’s on again!” As the farmers filed back into the church, the friend again approached the father of the bride, and asked “What happened to make you change your mind?”Grinning sheepishly, he replied, “Oh, well, we… uh… we found the keg of beer.”

Greedy Kiwi

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

This aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep…..”Mate”, the aussie said, “Over there we shear them”.The kiwi replied, “Mate, I’m not shearing this with innyone”

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York Cityrestaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmenseated there are furiously masturbating.She yells, “What the hell do you guys think you are doing?”One of the Japanese men explains, “Can’t you see? We areall berry hungry.”The waitress begs the question, “So, how is whacking-off inthe middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?”One of the other Japanese men replies,”The menu say,FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!”