Funny Jokes » War

A good idea

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:22 +0000

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked bythe doctor, “Why do you want to join the Navy, son?”"My father said it’d be a good idea, sir.”"Oh? And what does your father do?”"He’s in the Army, sir.”

By definition

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:22 +0000

A young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.’s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say’s, “Why yes I am…you wanna wear my hat?” The boy nods and the hat is placed on his head. As the boy admired himself in the mirror, the bathroom door slammed open and an old Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt walked in. He was decked out in his Dress Blue Uniform, with medals down his chest. The boy, seeing the uniform asked him, “Hey, are you a Marine?” The Gunnery Sgt peared down at the boy and responded, “That’s right! Why? Do wanna suck me off?” The boy replied nervously, “I-I-I’m not in the Army!! I’m just wearing his hat!!”Sent by Brian

The Army Airborne major was used to harassment…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:22 +0000

The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from AirForce fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. “Obviously the Air Force knows there’sno such thing as a ‘perfectly good aircraft,’” the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, “because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Armypays its men to jump.”"You’ve got it all wrong, Major,” an Air Force sergeant replied. “The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitchabout the salary.”

What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:22 +0000

Q. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?A. Platoon

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:22 +0000

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddyback road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. “Your jeep stuck, sir?” askedthe lieutenant as he pulled alongside.”Nope,” replied the colonel, coming over and handing him thekeys, “*Yours* is.”

Why did congress enact the Marine Corps?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:22 +0000

Q. Why did congress enact the Marine Corps?A. So, the sailors would have someone to dance with!

Young Amanpreet never quite got over his miserable…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:22 +0000

Young Amanpreet never quite got over his miserable childhood as an orphan in the ghetto. When he turned 18 hejoined the Marines, but old habits die hard and one night thesergeant found him rummaging around the garbage and eatingout of the discarded cans and jars.”On your free, Lizard Pecker,” he bellowed. “You’ll eat in the message hall — you’re no better than the rest of us!”

The general went to the doctor for a physical…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:22 +0000

The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions — age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex.’Oh,’ he mused, ‘It was 1945.”Isn’t that a long time to go without sex?’ the doctor asked.’I don’t think so. According to your clock it’s only 21:13.’

The Master Chief was inspecting the barracks…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:22 +0000

The Master Chief was inspecting the barracks and heoverheard one terrified recruit whisper, “Master Chief Barneshas the heart of a tiny child . . . on his desk . . . in a jar.”Without missing a beat, Master Chief Barnes snarled, “Goddamned if they don’t find out EVERY little thing aboutyou!”

During the Six Day War…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:22 +0000

During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of theadvancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general stops the troops and waits to see what happens.Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, too. Sweat pours down the commander’s forehead as he orders his entiredivision to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune.But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and cups his hands to his lips. “Go back!” he shouts. “Go back! It’s hopeless– there’s TWO of them!”