Funny Jokes » Travel

Thank you..thank you very much!

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:21 +0000

Father O’Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for solong, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been marriedand he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So,he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on theplane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, “Elvis! Oh my God! It’s Elvis! I knew you weren’t dead Elvis! How have you been?” Father looks at her and says, “Get outta meface. Can’t you see I’m not Elvis? I don’t look a thing like Elvis.” The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab andhe’s a little upset so he tells the cabby, “Take me to my hotel andstep on it.” The cabby turns and says, “Sure thing sir – Oh my God!It’s Elvis! I knew you weren’t dead! I’m your number one fan! It’s sogreat to see you!” “Shut up, you imbecile. I’m not Elvis! Now turnaround and drive!” So, the cabby speeds up to the hotel. Father O’Malley gets his things and walks up to the hotel check-in counter. “Oh my God! Oh my God!It’s you!” screams the hotel clerk. “You’re back Elvis! I knew thisday would happen. We saved everything just the way you like it! Free cheeseburgers, peanut butter and banana fried sandwiches, masseurs, complementary hookers and a full liquor bar! I’m so glad you’re back!”Father O’Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says, “Thank you… Thankyou very much!”

A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:21 +0000

A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin. “Do you always carry such heavy luggage?” she sighed.”No more,” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!”

Pilot to tower…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:21 +0000

Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . .600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . .please instruct! Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . .repeat after me: “Our Father, which art in heaven . . .”

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:21 +0000

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached acomfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – OH MY GOD!”Silence.Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”

This lady who was living in New York City had to get back…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:21 +0000

This lady who was living in New York City had to get back toher old country but she was broke.One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a workergetting ready to load supplies onto a boat. “Please I need to get back to England” she pleaded.”If you sneak me onboard tonight I’ll give you favors all the wayacross the ocean.”Well needless to say later that night he put her in a duffel bagand carried her onboard. Down in the hold where she washidden he said, “When I bring you some food, twice a day,I’ll collect.” And being true to her word she agreed.This went on for about a week when by accident the captainfound her.”Please don’t get angry,” she started to say and explained thestory to the captain who busted up laughing.”Why are you laughing?” she demanded.He said, “Because you’re on the Statten Island Ferry.”

A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:21 +0000

A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald’s actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: “They don’t serve BEER here, you MORON!” The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle.”And what’s so funny?!?” the New Yorker demands.”Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food.”

Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:21 +0000

Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck. “Where’s George?” one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone.”He’s about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left him there ’cause I figured ain’t nobody ’bout to steal him.”

The fucking lights

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:21 +0000

Tith the sun beginning to rise, the cabin of the jetliner was suddenly illuminated. “Who turned on the fucking lights?” a male passenger, who had been surly since boarding, snarled at a stewardess.The girl had had enough of this particular character. “These are the breakfast lights, sir,” she answered with forced sweetness. “The fuckinglights are much dimmer, and you snored right through them.”

There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:21 +0000

There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane.At the top of the stairs there was a stewardess collecting tickets.When the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat andexposed himself. The stewardess said, “I’m sorry sir. You have toshow your ticket here, not your stub.”

My car

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:21 +0000

A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, “Hey, bud, this is my car!” “OK,” the man says, “You take the front and I`ll take the back.”