Funny Jokes » Legal

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? #2

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:20 +0000

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?How many can you afford?

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:20 +0000

For three years, the young attorney had been taking hisbrief vacations at this country inn. The last time he’dfinally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter.Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged hissuitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.There sat his lover with an infant in her lap!”Helen, why didn’t you write when you learned you werepregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, wecould have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!”"Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about mycondition, we sat up all night talkin’ and talkin’ anddecided it would be better to have a bastard in thefamily than a lawyer!”

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:20 +0000

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, “We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?”"I’ll take the lawyer’s heart”, said the patient.After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. “It was easy”, said the patient, “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.”

Why don’t you ever see lawyers at the beach?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:20 +0000

Why don’t you ever see lawyers at the beach?The cats keep covering them up with sand!

What is the worst thing about our justice system?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:20 +0000

What is the worst thing about our justice system? You’re leaving your fate in the hands of 12 people whoweren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty!

An airliner was having engine trouble…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:20 +0000

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructedthe cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats andget prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants ifeveryone was buckled in and ready.”All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except onelawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”

Best advice possible

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:20 +0000

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor,”You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can.”After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, “You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty as hell, so I told him to split.”

Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:20 +0000

Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?Professional courtesy.

A hill country husband died and left everything to his wife…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:20 +0000

A hill country husband died and left everything to his wife.He put a provision in his will though that she couldn’t touchany of it until she turned 14.

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:20 +0000

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.