Funny Jokes » Sport Jokes

Question answer 02

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?They might be cheetahs! Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder playerFan: Why’s that?Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him! Why do artists never when they play football?They keep drawing! Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?So that they can pack the defence! Where do old bowling balls end up?In the gutter! Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet?Player: I finished it in three days! What part of a football pitch smells nicest?The scenter spot!

Question answer 03

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|What’s the chilliest ground in the premiership?Cold Trafford! How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle?Somebody took a corner! Why didn’t the dog want to play football?It was a boxer! What did they call Dracula when he won the league?The champire! Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?Paul gas coin! Manager: I’ll give you fifty pounds a week to start with and a hundred pounds a week in a year’s time?Young player: OK, I’ll come back in a year’s time!Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom?Captain: Well, it could have been worse.Manager: How?Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!

Question answer 04

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?Sorry, it was a freak hic! Why are football grounds odd?Because you can sit in the stands but can’t stand in the sits! What do you get if you drop a piano on a team’s defence?A flat back four! Why did the goal post get angry?Because the bar was rattled! What is the bank manager’s favourite type of football?Fiver side! What part of a football ground is never the same?The changing rooms! What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?Bring on their subs!

Question answer 05

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|Our team is doing so badly that “Manager of the Month” isn’t an award.It’s an appointment! Did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding?They got jellygated! Which insect didn’t play well in goal?The fumble bee! What did the bumble bee striker say?Hive scored! What is black and white and black and white and black and white?A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill! What are Brazilian fans called?Brazil nuts! Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?He was the skipper! How do hens encourage their football teams?They egg them on!

Question answer 06

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|What lights up a football stadium?A football match! If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls?Cornflakes! Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?Because there is no atmosphere! Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?Webley stadium! When fish play football, who is the captain?The team’s kipper! Ref: I’m sending you off Player: What for?Ref: The rest of the match! Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?They tend to go cheep! What is a goal keepers favourite snack?Beans on post!

Question answer 07

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?Hide the ball, it drives them nuts! What’s tennis players favourite city?Volley wood! How does a physicist exercise?By pumping ion! Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?Because education pays off in the long run! What is a runner’s favourite subject in school?Jog-raphy! What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?Ince pies! What does a footballer and a magician have in common?Both do hat tricks! Which football team loves ice-cream?Aston Vanilla!

Question answer 08

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?All of them, a crossbar can’t jump! Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches?They prefer cricket matches! What stories are told by basketball players?Tall stories!Who won the race between two balls of string?They we’re tied! Why are football players never asked for dinner?Because they’re always dribbling! Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?Because he liked sole music! What tea do footballers drink?Penaltea! Where do footballers dance?At a football!

Play as James Bond

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball.”I was the James Bond type of player,” he told his friends. “I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition.”"Batted .007,” his wife added.

The laws of golf

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

|LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the universe.LAW 6: The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn’t, how do you explain the way it works against you?LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination.LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.LAW 14: Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.LAW 16: “Nice lag” can usually be translated to “lousy putt.” Similarly, “tough break” can usually be translated “way to miss an easy one, sucker.”LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

Why the bad plays?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:33 +0000

| true story, according to the LA Times…..Coach Frank Layden of the Utah Jazz asked forward Jeff Wilkins, “Is your bad play due to ignorance or apathy?”Wilkins replied, “I don’t know and I don’t care!”