Funny Jokes » Drunks

What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?A drunk doesn’t have to go to those stupid meetings.

ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

“ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY”So what ? Who’s in a hurry ?

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rollsaround, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. Thedrunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool ofvomit, and slurs, “I don’t remember eating that!”

Lost all my luggage

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.”No,” replied McAteer. “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out,” said the Irishman.

Drunk walks into elevator…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes,and then says, “Dammit, I said UP.”

It’s a ladybug

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

A customer was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he noticed a tiny little spot on the wall that seemed to be moving. He called it to the bartender’s attention. He glanced at it and said, “It’s a ladybug.”After a moment of stunned silence the customer said, “Good Lord, what incredible eyesight you have!”

A horrible tragedy

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”"My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.”"Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.”Then in July,” the friend continued, “My father died leaving me $50,000.”"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.”"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.”"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.”"Then this month,” continued, the friend, “nothing!”

A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman.”Hi,” he said, “I’m new in town. Can I buy you a drink?”"Get lost,” she remarked, “I am Lesbian.”"Oh, really?” he asked, “How are things in Beiruit?”

A somewhat drunk man feels a…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

A somewhat drunk man feels a bald man’s head and says,”Say, your head feels just like my wife’s ass.”The bald man feels his own head and says with a grin,”You know, you’re right!”

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:23 +0000

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned somethingabout his girlfriend being out in the car.The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriendentwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. “What’s so funny?” thebartender asked.”That damned Pete!” the drunk chortled, “He’s so drunk, he thinks he’s me!”