Funny Jokes » Sex

How do you know you’re leading a sad life?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:14 +0000

How do you know you’re leading a sad life?When a nymphomaniac tells you, “Let’s just be friends.”

A husband and wife were out playing golf…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:14 +0000

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left.The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, “I’m Mother Nature, and I don’t like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won’t be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea.”The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband “Hey, where’s your ball?”"It’s over here in the pussy willows.”The wife screams back, “DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!!”

What’s the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:14 +0000

What’s the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter?One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.

What is the definition of an overbite?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:14 +0000

What is the definition of an overbite?When you go down on a girl and come up with a mouth full of shit.

Mysterious picture

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:14 +0000

After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry.”Is that your husband?” he inquired nervously.”No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him.”Your boyfriend then?” he asked.”No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.”Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy.Calmly, she answered, “That’s me before the surgery.”

A question for Bill Clinton

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:14 +0000

A question for Bill Clinton:”What was Miss Lewinsky’s most memorable feature?”"She has the whitest teeth I’ve ever come across”

How do you know when your girlfriend is too fat?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:14 +0000

How do you know when your girlfriend is too fat?When she sits on your face and you can’t hear the stereo

Appropriate punishment

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:14 +0000

Through the kitchen window a farmer’s wife sees herson coming home from school. The boy’s in a bad mood,and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks alittle further and kicks a cow. Once inside, hismother says, “I saw what you did, young man! Forkicking the pig you’ll get no bacon for a week, andfor kicking the cow, no milk for a week.”Just at that moment, the boy’s father walks throughthe door and boots the cat halfway across the room.The boy looks at his mother and says, “Do you wannatell him, or should I ?”

An elderly man goes into a brothel…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:14 +0000

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like ayoung girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man andasks how old he is. “I’m 90 years old,” he says.”90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”"Oh, sorry,” says the old man, “how much do I owe you?”

It has been determined that having sex before…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:14 +0000

It has been determined that having sex before participatingin athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does notimpair the athlete’s performance. In fact, men have knownand displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glanceat their watches and say, “Oops, gotta run!”