Funny Jokes » Relationships

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:04 +0000

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in loveand going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m goingto bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’mgoing to marry.”The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful womeninto the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat fora while.He then says,”Okay, Ma. Guess which one I’m going to marry.”She immediately replies, “The red-head in the middle.”"That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”"I don’t like her.”

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:04 +0000

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. “After all, dear,” she said to her husband, “you wouldn’t expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?”"No,” her husband replied.”Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver.”

Marriage counseling

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:04 +0000

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, we’ll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,”the husband explained. “She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts.” He continued, “She communicates well and I act like I’m listening.”

Flies

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:04 +0000

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.”What are you doing?” She asked.”Hunting Flies” He responded.”Oh. Killing any?” She asked.”Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?”He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”

Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:04 +0000

Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. Onenotices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. Hesays “When did you start wearing them?” To which the other man replies”Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.”

Conversation over dinner

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:04 +0000

Conversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not – don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can’t use them; she’s left-handed. WOMAN: – - – silence – - – MAN: Oh Shit.

For their 25th wedding anniversary…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:04 +0000

For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, “This was the most wonderful gift I could have asked for on our 25th anniversary. I can’t wait to hear what you have in mind for our 50th anniversary!” Her husband leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and said, “I’m going to come back and get you”Sent by Scott

When is premature ejaculation a serious problem?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:04 +0000

When is premature ejaculation a serious problem?When it occurs between “hello” and “what’s your sign?”

A man went to the police station wishing to speak…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:04 +0000

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant. “No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

Nothing but the truth

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:24:04 +0000

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. Where have you been!” demanded his wife when he entered the house. “Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary, and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until 8.00 p.m.” The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!!”