Funny Jokes » Children

Little Johnny’s mother decided to give…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:54 +0000

Little Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, “Johnny. This is where you come from.” Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as “Lucky Johnny.” “Why?” one asked. Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, “Because I came this close to being a turd.”

A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:54 +0000

A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. Alarge wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top.She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest.Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said,”Lady, if you’re going to drown those puppies, I’ll take the one withthe brown nose.”

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:54 +0000

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny . So she said , “If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?”"Somebody else’s pants.” said the Little Johnny.

Fun fun fun worry worry worry

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:54 +0000

A teacher said to her little student Suzy, “Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry.”Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, “Let’s see. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry!!!”

Where is the French border?

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:54 +0000

“Why do you look so glum today?”, the teacher asked young Johnny. “I didn’t have no breakfast,” Johnny mumbled. “You poor dear,” said the teacher. “Now, to return to our geography lesson, Johnny, where is the French border?” “In bed with my mom. That’s why I didn’t have no breakfast.”

Little Johnny tried out for the school play…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:54 +0000

Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice:”Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I’ll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.”Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:”Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think I’ll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit… Horseshit… Oh, shit! I didn’t want to be in this damn play anyway!”

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:54 +0000

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.” The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” Humoring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.” The kid says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”

Two kindergarten girls were talking outside…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:54 +0000

Two kindergarten girls were talking outside: one said,”You won’t believe what I saw on the patio yesterday–a condom!”The second girl asked, “What’s a patio?”

Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth…

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:54 +0000

Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, “How was I born?” “The stork brought you to us.” “Oh,” said Little Johnny. “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked. “Oh, the stork brought us too.” “So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?” “Well, darling, the stork brought them too,” said the mother. The next day Little Johnny handed in his paper to the teacher. It read, “This report is impossible to write due to the fact that there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.”

Wear your collar backwards

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:54 +0000

Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, “Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?”The priest says, “Because I’m a father.”Johnny says, “Yeah? Well, my old man’s got three kids and he don’t wear his collar backwards.”The priest says “You don’t understand, son. I have thousands of children.” Johnny says, “You should wear your fuckin’ trousers backwards.”