Funny Jokes » Men Jokes

Men and blondes

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:46 +0000

Why do men prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company.

All Aboard

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:46 +0000

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”The horrified mother went in and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house!! Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.”She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”

Men at 35..

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:46 +0000

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.

Gonna Get Lucky

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:46 +0000

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.”Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the night”.”We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.”The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree.He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating.The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father was a pharmacist.”

Black widow spiders

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:46 +0000

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

seconds to live

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:46 +0000

Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”

men chasing women

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:46 +0000

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Friends

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:46 +0000

Have you heard the one about the homosexual who wanted to enlarge the circle of his friends?

what men hear when women speak

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:46 +0000

What a woman says: “This place is a mess C’mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor, and you’ll have no clothes to wear, if we don’t do laundry right now!”What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, C’mon blah, blah, blah, blah, you and I blah, blah, blah, blah, on the floor blah, blah, blah, blah, no clothes blah, blah, blah, blah, right now !

The Wrong Way

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:46 +0000

As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!”"It’s not just one car,” said Herman, “It’s hundreds of them!”