Funny Jokes » Dirty Jokes

Little Carrie likes to screw

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:45 +0000

It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet. Why don’t you have a seat?”Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.”Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!” Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby ? so he asks Carrie’s dad to repeat himself.”Yeah,” says Carrie’s father, “Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!”A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, “Dad, it’s called the twist!”

wooo mama!

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:45 +0000

One day a kid asks his mom if he can take a shower with her. She says, “Sure son, but don’t look up and don’t look down.”So they’re taking a shower and the kid reaches up for the soap and he says, “Woo mama! What are those?”She says, “Those are my headlights.” The kid says “Ahh.”Then he drops the soap and bends down to get it and he says, “Woo mama! What is that?” and she replies back with, “That is my garage.” The kid says “Ahh.”The next day he asks his dad if he can take a shower with him. The kid does. As he’s scrubbing himself with the soap,he drops it. When he picks it up he says, “Woo daddy! What is that?” The father replies back, “That’s my limousine.”That night he asks his parents if he could sleep with them and they say, “Sure, just don’t look under the covers.”Then in the middle of the night he decides to take a peek. And he says “Wooo mama! Look, daddy is parking his limousine in your garage!”

Abstinence

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:45 +0000

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church.The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple were newlyweds. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. “Can of PAINT!” exclaimed the minister. “Yeah,” said the newlywed man. “She dropped the can, and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then.lust took over.” The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.”That’s okay,” said the man. “We’re not welcome in Home Depot either.”

Girl’s School

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:45 +0000

The biology teacher at the all-girls academy was handing back a test on the male anatomy. “I don’t understand why you girls can’t understand the male sex organ. You’ve had it pounded into you all semester!”

College Rules

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:45 +0000

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?” One student asked, “How much for a season pass?”

The 3 holes

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:45 +0000

A guy’s car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in.He asks the man at the counter, “Do you have any rooms available?”The man at the counter says, “Yeah, but don’t stick your dick in the 3 holes.”"OK.” The guy agrees and walks to his room. A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole. He says,”Ahh,that feels good!” Then he sticks his dick in the second hole,”Ahh,that feels even better!” Then he sticks his dick in the third hole,”OUCH!!My dick!!”He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody. He was very confused, but he went to sleep. The next day he went to the counter to see what was in the holes, but before he could ask anything the man at the counter said, “You stuck your dick in the three holes didn’t you?”He said, “Yeah, how did you know? “The man at the counter said, “Well, my wife is pregnant,my daughter is pregnant, and my pencil sharpener is broken.

Foot Tall

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:45 +0000

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a man who has a burlap sack and a little guy about a foot tall sitting on the bar playing a little piano. The guy that walked into the bar asks the man, “What’s in the bag?” The man pulls out a genie lamp. The guy says, Wow! Can I have one of your wishes?” The man says, “I don’t know. Rub the lamp and see.” So the guy rubs the lamp and out pops the genie. The genie says, “You may have one wish.”The guy wishes for a million bucks. The genie says, “Your wish is granted,” and goes back into the genie bottle. Just then one million ducks walk into the bar. The guy says, “I didn’t wish for a million ducks.” The man replies, “Yeah, and I wished for a twelve inch pianist.”

Cucumber&pickle

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:45 +0000

A cucumber and a pickle were having a conversation. The pickle said to the cucumber, “I got it bad man, everytime I get big, fat and juicy I get seasoned and put in a jar.”The cucumber said to the pickle, “Well everytime I get big, fat and juicy I get chopped up and out over salad.”The penis walks by and overhears them and says, “I got it worse than you both. When I get big, fat and juicy I get put in a dark, smelly room and they make me do push-ups till I throw up.”

Sunday School

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:45 +0000

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?” When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “God Almighty !” shouted Mary. The teacher said, “Very good!” and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, “Who is our Lord and Savior?”, but Mary didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “Jesus Christ!” shouted Mary. The teacher said, “Very good!” and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!” The Teacher fainted.

Whats a Australian Kiss..

admin — Sat, 02 Nov 2013 04:23:45 +0000

What’s an Australian kiss?The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!